Thoughts That Count 2: Ezra
by Caithrine Glidewell
Summary: What's going through Ezra's head whenever he sees or thinks of Aria? This is my background story to all of the Aria/Ezra scenes from Ezra's point of view. Season 2. Thoughts That Count 2: Aria is also up! Sequel to Thoughts That Count: Ezra
1. It's Alive! Part 1

**Thoughts That Count**

**Episode 1 Part 1**

**Ezra**

I came into class on Friday thinking about the buzz of whispers floating around me, Aria's name drifting in with them, each time cutting me. I didn't know what it all was about but I wanted to be there, to help her through it, but more than ever, I felt like it wasn't my place, inside the classroom or out. I wanted that right back. I needed Aria to know she could count on me to help her through this; that she could tell me anything and I wouldn't judge her because I loved her, and as much as it wasn't my place to ask for this now, it would be just as much for me to judge her if she did give me the truth. I knew that.

When I came into class just after the bell, I looked to Aria's seat just long enough to receive a cold, yet uncertain look, before gibing up on pleading with my eyes and turning to the board.

On it was a hang man sketch with five dashes below it. L_AR_. I knew what it meant. I knew that as much as I wanted to demand that whoever had done it apologize to Aria and her friends immediately, I couldn't.

I sauntered over to the board, dropping my bag and picking up an eraser from the ledge, I began to rub away the cruel joke.

"Need some help with that Mr. Fitz?" The male voice coming from the doorway caught me off guard. It was a voice I hadn't heard in a long time, and frankly, had hoped to never hear again.

"You can take you seat, Mr. Kahn," I said politely, attempting not to show the shock on my face. The return of Noel Kahn was the last thing I needed right now. With him as a hovering danger, even just for a few more days, it would be that much harder to convince Aria that everything about us was right.

I heard various kids in the class welcome Noel back as I continued to clear the board. I knew before I even looked back, the only empty desk left was next to Aria.

That empty seat suddenly became the most threatening thing I'd ever been up against.


	2. It's Alive! Part 2

**Thoughts That Count**

**Episode 1 Part 2**

**Ezra**

I glanced through the window in my classroom door again, seeing Aria leaning against the wall with Spencer. I placed my hand on the door handle, just resting it there, not entirely sure what I would say when I opened it. Part of my brain was mapping out the conversation while the other part, a much smaller but very powerful part, was trying to talk me out of opening the door at all.

I finally pushed it open and put on the best teacher façade I could muster for the benefit of Spencer and any other students who might be watching.

"Aria, do you have a minute? I'd like to speak with you about your essay?" The words sounded normal but I had a feeling they came out a little too fast, a little too agitated.

Aria hesitated for a moment, then said something to Spencer and thankfully walked past me into the room, a first step I wasn't sure would occur. I closed the door behind her, watching her walk without a word to sit on the top of a desk.

"Are you okay?" I asked quickly, letting my concern flow. Between Noel, and the heavy stream of stories floating in the halls, I felt like I needed to protect her from some evil I hadn't even identified yet.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said breathily. It stung to hear the note in her voice that told me she really didn't want to be here having this conversation with me, _specifically me_.

"You wanna talk about it? You wanna tell me what happened?" The words poured out quickly, not sounding nearly as concerned or caring as I'd wanted them to be. They were more worried and rushed, afraid I wouldn't get the time I needed with her to ask everything that I wanted to say.

"Uh, not really, no."

"Aria, don't shut me out. I'm here for you." It wasn't what I had meant to say, and instantly I knew it had cut down my time with her.

"I'm not shutting you out," _it sure felt like it_, "I just… don't really feel like talking to you about it."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jackie, and I understand how it looks, but you see she doesn't change anything. Come over later," I started out sincerely, but quickly my word sped up again. I needed her to say yes. But she turned away, looking pointlessly out the window, nothing in her offering me any grace.

She sighed, "I can't tonight."

"Aria, please talk to me," I sprinted out needily. I couldn't let her slip away. I just needed something, anything, to let me know I hadn't completely screwed everything up.

"I don't know what to say," She told me, pausing, bouncing uncomfortably, "Tings just feel different."

The only difference that I could see was that we were fighting, and it hurt, "But they're not different, nothing's changed. I'm still in love with you," I put out there, raw, begging to be torn to shreds. I needed her to say it back.

She shook her head, "I can't do this right now," she began to stalk off, but I couldn't let her go. I stepped back, blocking her.

"Are we over?" It was the question that hurt most, the answer I wanted the lest, because right now I feared it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"I don't know," I wasn't sure what was happening, but when I could think straight again, she was gone. And I was alone. More alone than I'd felt in a very long time.


	3. It's Alive! Part 3

**Thoughts That Count**

**Episode 1 Part 3**

**Ezra**

When Aria called early Saturday morning, me knees went weak with gratitude. This was my chance to get it right. To apologize, make her see she was the only one in my eyes and in my heart.

I heard the subtle knock on my door before I even had time to get dressed..

"Hi. You're early. Uh- come in," I said, gesturing to the apartment, stepping out of her way. It was the first time in months I'd actually had to invite her in, the first time in months she came cleanly through the door without us touching.

"I'm… glad you called. I read yesterday's paper."

"We didn't lie to the police," she said, instantly defensive, "Eh-I-I don't know what happened to his body, but Ian's dead."

"I believe you," I told her, soft and sincere. I wanted her to know that. I believed her, trusted what she said, and I was here to help her, "I'm just sorry you have to go through this alone."

"I'm not alone," She said with a tone of a child trying to convince a parent they could do it on their own even when they knew they couldn't.

"I understand you have your friends, but you have me too. You just don't realize it," I said, hoping that it would get through to her. There were things we needed to work through right now, but that didn't mean she couldn't come to me.

"You said… yesterday that things hadn't changed. It feels like they have," She said matter-of-factly.

I put my hands up in total openness, "Ask me anything. I will tell you the truth."

Aria sat down in front of me and I met her eyes, using everything I could to convey my openness to her.

"Why did she end it?"

"She thought she was ready for the commitment, but… she wasn't," I relayed simply. It didn't hurt to say anymore. What hurt more was knowing that the words might not be enough.

"Am I… your rebound," she asked softly.

I opened my eyes wide. As much as I was just 'her high school English teacher' would she be anything near a rebound, "No… No. But you did help me to get over her."

"Were you still in love with her when you met me?"

This was the hardest question, the one neither of us wanted to hear the answer to…

_Flashback_

_Hardy stopped me in the parking lot as Aria continued to her car, catching me by the elbow._

"_Dude, this chick, is she… some kind of rebound after Jackie? Some kind of fling to get over her?_

_I was shocked, "What? No!"_

"_Ez-"_

"_Hardy, its nothing like that. Jackie's not a part of my life anymore," I said solidly._

"_I just don't want you going down this path if… Do you have any idea how much your risking?"_

"_Hardy, drop it," I snapped in a whisper, "You have no idea what's going on between me and Aria." I shook my head, "Jackie has nothing to do with us." I tore my arm away…_

I choked up, unable to answer. It was unfair.

She tilted her head back. She knew what my silence meant.

"I wish I would have known that."

I didn't. If she'd known that, we never would have made it this far.

"Aria," I looked her in the eyes, brushing her heir back, holding her chin with my fingertips, "There was not one moment when we were together that I was thinking about _anybody_ but you," God only knew how much she monopolized my mind, every second every thought.

There was a beat of silence and I held her hands in mine until she took them away.

"Thank you for being honest."

A smile found its way to my lips seeing her in front of me, and even now, hope flowered in me, "You know what I love about Saturdays? It's that feeling I get when I… look up at you and I realize that we have the _whole day_ to be together."

A small smile graced her lips, "Yeah I know that feeling."

"So will you stay?" she looked a little taken aback, like I'd misunderstood our shared moment of agreement.

"Ezra, eh-I… I couldn't. Not now," she shook her head and swallowed, "Not yet."

I nodded and got up with her, walking her out the door.

"Hey, can I call you tomorrow?" I asked, hoping something smaller would work better. Hoping she would give me even a few minutes to work towards making this up to her.

"Um… I'm spending the day with my family."

"Yeah," I said quietly, my head dropping.

"I'll see you on Monday," she offered, and I gave a barely there nod before closing the door behind her.

Everything was falling apart just when it was all coming together. She always seemed to be held just outside of my reach.


End file.
